The Last Straw

Im finally saying but I'M DONE!! Tuesday is my dad's birthday and I always send him a card from the kids and one from me. I caved and did send him something for Christmas because I just ccan't help myself. Once upon a time he was a good dad. I've been really thinking about it and have finally decided I'M DONE, REALLY DONE. I mentioned grandpa Alan to Corey the other day and he response was "Who's that, I have another grandpa?" When I explained that he's mommy's dad Corey then said "I thought you did have a dad, you only have grammy in KY and papa Jack". OUCH!!! Can someone please pull this knife out of my heart. So, Im not going to waste anymore time thinking about him and we will only focus on the people who actually care about us. My mom and step dad have been AWESOME grandparents to my babies, and thats what counts. They love my kids and my kids love them.

This is a HUGE hurdle for my, my dad's birthday will come and go and I will not allow myself to feel guilty. I KNOW he didn't feel a twinge of guilt when the kids birthday came and went without hearing from him not to mention the holidays.

So if you start to see me panic or get sad, please just tell me to GET OVER IT, THE MAN DOESN'T MATTER!! Wanna know made me finally see the light? This picture is the last time I have seen my dad YES THAT'S COREY ALMOST 4 MONTHS OLD!!!




Shawna says....

The Child with ADHD's Bill of Rights

"Help me to focus"
Please teach me through my sense of touch. I need "hands on" and body movement.

"I need to know what comes next"
Please give me a structured environment where there is dependable routine. Give me advance warning if there will be changes.

"Wait for me! I'm still thinking"
Please allow me to go at my own pace. If I rush I get confused and upset.

"I'm stuck! I can't do it!"
Please offer me options for problem-solving. I need to know the detours when the road is blocked.

"Is it right? I need to know NOW!"
Please give me rich and immediate feedback on how I'm doing. This will help me to understand.

"I didn't forget! I didn't hear it in the first place"
Please give me directions one step at a time, and ask me gently to say back what I heard you say.

"I didn't know I wasn't in my seat"
Please gently remind me to stop, think and then act.

"Am I almost done now?"
Please give me short work periods and short term goals so I can experience success.

"What?"
Please don't say "I already told you" Tell me again in different words. Give me a signal. Draw me a symbol.

"I know! It's all wrong, isn't it?"
Please give me praise for partial success. Reward me for improvement, not just for perfection.

"But why do I always get yelled at?"
Please catch me doing something right, and praise me for my specific, positive behavior. Remind me (and yourself) about my many good points when I'm having a bad day.

"I may be a challenge to live with and to teach sometimes, but I still have real feelings and would never have chosen to behave like I sometimes do. I respect you and really, really need your approval."

These days were Corey is in rare form are so hard. Its not his fault I know but try telling that to your heart when you are stressed. Sometimes I need a small reminder as too why I go through so much to make sure my child as every oppurtunity possible. The words the teachers say in his report cards tug at my heartstrings but I know they are helping me help Corey. With these reminders it helps me determine if we need to change dosage. School is what matters and I will bend over backwards to make sure he his excelling and not being pushed to the because of behavior. Weight is a whole other can of worms, as a parent is breaks my heart to watch him dominate the soccer field but to have to stop way before the other kids because he has no engery due to loss of appetite. If I could hook him up to an IV at night I would, but thats semi extreme don't cha think. We were doing so well and hit 40lbs which was a HUGE milestone, seriously we celebrated with cake and balloons. Seems once he puts some weight on a growth spurt hits and he shoots up like a weed. I just pray that we get a little break to put the weight back on so he can get out there the whole practice/game and be the BESTEST little Shark he can be. Hell, if we ever see that scale hit 50 (for Corey, not Ally beacause we know thats soon) we will friggin go to Disneyland. LOL

There you go, my vent for the day. Trust me you would rather hear me babble about Corey than the super crappy day I had a work.

Shawna says......

Wordless Wednesday

First soccer practice with a new team & coach....

Mom: Corey are you excited about soocer?
Corey: No
Mom: Why? you get a be a Shark
Corey: I'm nervous and no one will like me
Mom: Everyone gets nervous, you're a great soccer player just get out there and show them what you can do
Corey: ok, I will try

I was so proud!!!


Have to throw this in there, the 2 min she actually sat still

Thinking Back

Now the the surgery date is booked and my mom's plane tickets are bought, Im starting to MEGA plan the next few months. Ally turns 3 in May and we were going to have a birthday party for her, a real one with her friends from school. I was going to cancel but decided I won't. My mom will still be here so we will still do a party just downplay it. It will be so hard for me though to sit and do nothing, I wont even be able to lift my camera. ACK!! Its all good though. Dr said no housework, lifting groceries, dishes, laundry, nada for 6 weeks OH DARN!!!

Anyways enough with my planning babble, you will hear enough between now and 4/20. I was looking at pics and found a March 2006 folder. So funny. I was pregnant with Ally and had gestional diabetes and was about to go out of work on disability for complications. I couldnt sleep worth a damn because lil yoga master never rested. I wish I had my old blog to remember what I wrote but it was really silly, you know preggo brain silly. Funny how vivid I remember this night.

Taking my weekly belly shot

Kevin brings home these

Did he forget about THIS?? Torture

Watching tv because I couldnt sleep and surprised that my feet were no longer visible

DAMN look at my feet, thank god I couldn't see them

Awe memories, can't believe I will never be pregnant again EVER :o( and that my baby is going to be THREE!!!!

Shawna says...

Survey by Corey

1. What is something mom always says to you? - tells me to clean up
2. What makes mom happy? - giving her a necklace or ring
3. What makes mom sad? - me throwing stuff at mom
4. How does your mom make you laugh? - when we play stuff
5. What was your mom like as a child? - very silly
6. How old is your mom? - 31
7. How tall is your mom? - 6 1/2 inches
8. What is her favorite thing to do? - playing her computer
9. What does your mom do when you're not around? - be sad
10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for? - a model
11. What is your mom really good at? - chutes & ladders
12. What is your mom not very good at? - playing the shark game
13. What does your mom do for her job? - makes money
14. What is your mom's favorite food? - ice cream
15. What makes you proud of your mom? - doing soccer
16. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be? - minnie mouse
17. What do you and your mom do together? -play games
18. How are you and your mom the same? - yellow skin
19. How are you and your mom different? - im small and shes tall
20. How do you know your mom loves you? - cleans the whole house
21. What does your mom like most about your dad? - because there married
22. Where is your mom's favorite place to go? - work or the park

Now for Dad

1. What is something dad always says to you? - go into your room
2. What makes dad happy? - when I help him
3. What makes dad sad? - throwing something at him
4. How does your dad make you laugh? - when Ally jumps on him
5. What was your dad like as a child? - he was cool
6. How old is your dad? - 33
7. How tall is your dad? - 33 inches
8. What is his favorite thing to do? - play paintball Wii
9. What does your dad do when you're not around? - be sad
10. If your dad becomes famous, what will it be for? - a rockstar
11. What is your dad really good at? - paintball
12. What is your dad not very good at? - basebll Wii
13. What does your dad do for his job? - make money
14. What is your dad's favorite food? -potato chips
15. What makes you proud of your dad? - making money for mommy
16. If your dad were a cartoon character, who would he be? - mickey mouse
17. What do you and your dad do together? - play Wii
18. How are you and your dad the same? - being white skinned
19. How are you and your dad different? - daddy has spots and i dont
20. How do you know your dad loves you? - be nice to me
21. What does your dad like most about your mom? - making money
22. Where is your dad's favorite place to go? - going to soccer games and chuck E cheese

Thursday's Thought

Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it. ~Harold Hulbert

My Corey is really testing me right now, I don't know what the attitude is about but it needs to pass soon. I want my sweet little boy back, the one that loves his mommy not the one that blurts out mean words to her. :o( I got through the colic, made it through the terrible two's, barely got by the even worse three's and now Im going deep into battle with the SIX'S.

Wish me luck.

Shawna says.....

Wordless Wednesday

Just 2 Dog'on Cute

For more WW participants go check out http://www.5minutesformom.com/5667/ww-at-the-aquarium/

Shawna says...